12 May, 2021

Of Love And Loneliness

First-person account by a Delhi-based writer-activist for lesbian rights.

Of Love And Loneliness

IGNORANCE. When something is ignored it will gradually lose any vitality it once had, first becoming invisible and then finally lost. If memory is not passed on in some coherent way, then that which is not remembered no longer exists and it can then be said that it never existed.

Lesbian loneliness is not just about loneliness. It's about isolation. It's about being with a bunch of friends who would land up at my home to discuss their traumas, their abortions, their marital quibbles but were never ready even to hear out my bit. Because my crises were, of course, so unnatural, alien. That's when I withdrew even more completely. Again all I had was myself. The best I could hope for? A long-distance relationship. Tough in those days before e-mail, fax-phones and easy visas. Where was the someone to love, to talk to, to have, to hold. It was tangible isolation, one I could sense all around me. Where were the public spaces? Even the man who served me in the cafe was male. No pubs, no meeting points, no box-spaces to answer to,...

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