27 July, 2021

Javed Akhtar & Co

“Before dialogue begins, we must have song,” Bappida said as he wiped his forehead with a bright red kerchief...

Illustration by Sorit
Javed Akhtar & Co

You all know that when there’s a national crisis, Bollywood comes to the rescue. Like, we did our bit for the Gujarat quake victims, the tsunami victims, even the 26/11 victims. So, given this track record some of us in the industry felt it was our duty to try defuse the Kashmir crisis currently vexing our netas. So the core team of yours truly, Abbas Tyrewala, Jaideep Sahni, Ram Gopal Varma, Anurag Kashyap and music director Bappi Lahiri held a top-secret meeting outside the Mumbai police HQ (a most unusual venue but one which provided total anonymity). And anyway, we were disguised as constables so nobody noticed us although one senior police official passing by chided Bappida for being overweight. “How can a policeman be so fat? Do some exercise,” he advised. Bappida smiled sheepishly, showing his gold teeth and clutching at his golden necklace. “A constable with so much gold on him,” the officer was clearly astounded. “All roll gold sir, not asli,” said Bappida even as he took out a gold toothpick...

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