19 April, 2021

The Subcontinental Menu

Illustrations by Saahil
The Subcontinental Menu

May I Come In Miss Monkey?

Enough is enough, said the good folk of Punjab. Tired of monkeys marauding their crops, bathing in their water tanks and getting touchy feely on streets, they decided to end the problem once and for all—by establishing a simian school. There, “rogue monkeys” will learn “good-behaviour training” to make them less of a nuisance. After they pick up proper etiquettes, they might also be released into the wild. But where are they going to find teachers for the primates? Perhaps they could hire the police officer from Pilibhit who patiently perused his files as a rhesus macaque perched on his shoulder and combed his hair for lice. Regardless, the Punjab government is not new to monkey businesss—about 15 years ago, it used to run a primate prison in Patiala.

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