25 January, 2021

Blazing Remotes

A computer-controlled home, everything's perfect? Not quite.

illustration by Jayachandran
Blazing Remotes
Are you one of those who finds it a chore switching appliances on and off at home, who hates groping in the dark.... Well, then you are a likely candidate for a peculiar obsession that seemingly has its roots in testosterone.

Wouldn’t it be nice if the lights came on in response to your regal presence and went off when you disappeared; if you could flip a switch as you sleepily stretch in the morning setting off the coffee-maker; if you could control your home appliances from a universal remote; if you could buzz a switch on your car key fob that, on your arrival, sets off a pattern of lights and appliances that you can program on your PC; if you could observe your home remotely from work to check if your gardener is earning his pay or goofing off...the list is endless. You may think you’ll need Bill Gates’ income to have these wishes come true—but that would be incorrect.

But beware; the excitement generated by these exciting new toys could also result in some serious disharmony with those members of the household who don’t write ‘M’ in the sex...


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